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How to Negotiate With People Who Victimize Themselves

Victim Mentality Can Make Divorce Even Worse

How to Negotiate With People Who Victimize Themselves 1

If you are going through a divorce with someone who always acts like a victim, it can be extremely difficult to reach mutually agreeable outcomes. For this reason, alternative dispute resolutions such as mediation may not work for all people. Those with a victim mentality can negatively influence the mediation process. These people often delay the time spent in mediation as they get hung up on superficial emotions instead of focusing on the problems at hand. If you are dealing with someone who always has to be the victim, read on to find out what you can do to ensure you stay in control of the mediation process.

Don’t Take Personal Attacks Personally

This advice has roots all the way back to your school yard days. It’s important to remember that the way other people behave has nothing to do with you. It is often a reflection of their own character. While it’s tempting to point out this flaw and try to fix this behavioral pattern – stop. You cannot change how someone else behaves or views a situation. This will only leave you exhausted and burnt out. Instead, focus only on the facts of a situation and what you can control.

Set Limits

If you must communicate with this person, do it in a way that makes you feel comfortable. This may involve only speaking through email or legal counsel. Set time limits each day that you will read and respond to their correspondence. This will prevent you from spending hours each day getting worked up over their tactics and focusing all your attention on their draining behaviour. If you must correspond, it’s often a good idea to give the other party a set number of options when decision-making. This will ensure you do not promote a back-and-forth discussion which does not result in a solution.

Choose Your Battles

High conflict people create high conflict situations. Know what is important to you and focus on that. Do not burn yourself out trying to win every battle. Be realistic with yourself. This means knowing your boundaries, fighting for them, and letting the small stuff go.

Know When To Walk Away

As a co-parent, communication with the other party is often necessary to share information regarding your children. Know how to decipher messages. This means picking out what is important and communicating only about these topics. Remember, sometimes the best response is no response.

Have Someone You Can Talk To

Your legal counsel is there to assist you legally. If you are having troubling dealing with the emotions of another person or your own emotions it’s important to find a qualified professional to talk to. Sending long, emotional emails to your counsel will only drive up your legal bill.


Disclaimer: The content provided in the blog posts of Jones Divorce & Family Law is general information and should not be considered legal advice. Please contact a lawyer for legal advice tailored to your specific situation. All articles are current as of their original publication date.