Negotiation is the act of settling difference through conversation. It is typically a system of give-and-take until all the parties in the matter agree on the proposed outcome. Negotiation is a large part of separation and divorce. Parties negotiate the terms of their settlements including, but not limited to, who will keep the house, how much child support is owed, who will see the kids over the summer holidays, etc… Our skilled team of Calgary lawyers provide tips on how to be a better negotiator in order to get what you want.
Stay In The Zone
The best way to reach an agreement is to look for a present opportunity to steer the conversation toward what you want. What can you do today move this conflict toward resolution? The power to transform the conflict lies in the present moment. Stay in the present moment. But don’t forget to accept the past. If we do not let go of the past and accept that it is how it is then we are forever in the presence of what happened and unable to really move on. Hiding on to resentment and anger only hurts us. We become prisoners of the past. We do not have the power to change it but we can reframe the meaning we assign to it.
Successful Negotiation, Reframe The Situation
There is no use in blame. The only healthy way forward is to take responsibility for life just as it is and move forward being responsible for your own psychological needs. The way forward is through (pain, injustice, fear, etc.). Accept the way it is and do not waste time or energy wishing it were different. Say yes to the situation and take back your power. Taking responsibility for your needs is fundamentally about leadership – being the director of your own life and not letting fear, guilt, blame take over. Responsibility is power.
Best Alternative To A Negotiated Agreement
Blame undermines power – when we blame others we focus on their power and our victim-hood. We give away our power by ignoring whatever part we may have played and our freedom to choose how to respond. The opposite of the blame game is taking responsibility. Take responsibility for your life and relationships and make a commitment to take care of your own needs. Own your failures and faults and your successes and strengths. We cannot choose our circumstances but we can choose our responses. Divorce can be the worst thing that ever happened to you or the best, you decide. Change the question from “who is to blame” to “what can I learn from this”. Instead of wallowing in our life circumstance we can choose to embrace it. We can give our experiences the meaning that we choose. The blame game keeps us imprisoned as victims. The moment we recognize that we are in a prison of our own making, the walls begin to crumble and we are free.
If you are in the process of negotiating your divorce, we highly recommend the book Getting To Yes by Roger Fisher, William Ury and Bruce Patton. You can check this out of our firm’s library at no cost, connect with us to borrow a copy.