Navigating The Challenges of Co-parenting After Separation

The dust has settled, your parenting plan is in place, and you are ready to move on following your separation. However, you are now entering into an entirely new relationship with your former spouse: the co-parenting relationship. This guide is meant to give you a few key points for consideration as you move forward with co-parenting. If you need further assistance, the team at Jones Divorce & Family Law is here to provide the guidance and support your family needs to overcome co-parenting challenges and thrive.

When making arrangements for children in the family law context, the primary consideration is the best interests of the child. The best interests test is laid out in both the federal Divorce Act applying to married couples and the provincial Family Law Act applying to unmarried and married couples. There are two factors of note to consider when looking at the co-parenting relationship. Firstly, the Court looks at each parent’s ability and willingness to support the child’s relationship with the other parent. This goes beyond doing the bare minimum and has been interpreted as meaning that the parents are expected to try to facilitate a good relationship between the child and the other parent. Facilitating a good relationship means encouraging and supporting the relationship between the other parent and the child.

The second factor applicable to co-parenting is the ability and willingness of the parents to communicate and cooperate when it comes to issues involving the child. This means communicating directly with each other when decisions or arrangements need to be made with respect to the child. It is not a standard of perfection. This can be a very difficult thing for former spouses to do but at the end of the day being able to cooperate and communicate effectively is what is best for your child. It is important to find a way to rise above the conflict between you and your former spouse to put the child’s best interests first.

There are times when parents are simply unable to move past the conflict and the residual hurt from the breakdown of the relationship. In extreme cases, this can result in one parent actively discouraging the child’s relationship with the other parent. If this behaviour results in a child refusing the relationship with the other parent, it is known as parental alienation. Children will often have an affinity for or be more aligned with one parent following separation. However, this is not to be confused with alienation which is an extreme circumstance where the child is being heavily influenced to reject one of the parents by the direct or indirect conduct of the other parent.

If alienation is shown to be occurring, the Courts do not look kindly upon the alienating parent. Children do best when they have the time and space to foster good relationships with both parents. They also do best when they are protected from exposure to conflict between the parents. Sometimes a child will resist or refuse parenting time. This can be for a wide variety of complex reasons unique to each case. It is important to be cautious of situations where the child ends up caregiving for the parent with which they are aligned as this leads to triangularization for the child. In extreme cases of discouragement, an aligned parent will draw the children into the conflict in order to influence their behaviour towards the parent experiencing resistance. Such extreme cases are referred to as alienation. However, this is not a term that should be thrown around lightly. Attempts to alienate a child from one of their parents can have serious, negative long-term effects on the child. There have been cases in Ontario where the courts have labelled alienation as emotional abuse. In extreme cases the children have been put in the care of the refused parent and the alienating parent has no parenting time for a period of time. Depending on how entrenched the child is in the alienation, the Court may even disregard the views of the child as they are seen to be the views of the alienating parent rather than their own true views. There is caselaw in Alberta listing the behaviours indicative of alienation. The lawyers at Jones Divorce Law can assist you with navigating and understanding this caselaw.

It is important to note that there are situations, such as where extreme family violence is present, where it is not in the best interests of the child to have an unsupervised or unregulated time with one of their parents. However, where this is not the case, the Courts consider that it is in the best interests of the child to have time with each parent to facilitate a relationship with both parents. It is the responsibility of both parents to do their best to develop a positive co-parenting relationship with their former spouse.

Children naturally want a relationship with both of their parents even when there are difficulties in that relationship. They are aware they are made up of parts from both parents and may internalize negative comments made by one parent about the other parent and translate this to a dislike for themselves as they know that they may share those attributes. Being positive about transitions and positively reinforcing the importance of spending time with the other parent helps children feel supported in their need to have these relationships.

Co-parenting is not always easy. If your co-parenting relationship is proving to be a challenge, the experienced Parent Coordinators at Jones Divorce & Family Law in Calgary can help. Our parenting coordination service in Calgary helps high-conflict parents manage their parenting duties effectively. A coordinator assists in decision-making and, when necessary, makes critical decisions, ensuring commitments and communication are upheld for the child’s best interest.

Jessica Lypkie, Family Law Student

The content provided in the blog posts of Jones Divorce & Family Law is general information and should not be considered legal advice. Please contact a lawyer for legal advice tailored to your specific situation. All articles are current as of their original publication date.