Relationship Advice: Till Death, or Debt, Do Us Part
Being a family law lawyer in Calgary, we see all types of relationship dynamics. We are also privy to the intimate details of why couples seek divorce. Over the years we have noticed a trend on the top 5 reasons couples decide to divorce. Our team has put together the 5 things you should talk to your partner about before tying the knot to ensure a long, happy and healthy marriage.
This refers to the spending and saving habits of each person in the relationship. While one person may make a much higher income, if they are constantly spending and making frivolous purchases their inflated income might not matter in the eyes of their partner. Financial compatibility is a huge determinant of marital success (or failure). Before tying the knot it’s a good idea to have honest conversation about your finances including large debts, how you use your credit cards, spending habits and what you plan to save for in the future. This will help reduce surprises down the road and ensure you are on the same page.
Opposing Views on Child Rearing
Often, couples marry before they have children. As such, it’s unlikely that they know one another’s true parenting styles. One party may claim to be an authoritative parent but, when faced with the realities of parenting, they may actually have more of an authoritarian style. Before having children it’s important to talk about the major parenting choices you will have to make with your partner to assure you are on the same page. For example, will you raise your child in a certain religion, will they attend public or private school, and how will you discipline? These are some of the biggest issues couple face when raising children.
Conflict Resolution Styles
All healthy marriages encounters conflict. It’s important to know how to argue, disagree and debate with your partner in a healthy way. You and your partner are never going to see eye-to-eye on all issues. But, the way in which you resolve these disagreements is far more important than the actual issues you are fighting about. For example, being able to calmly debate your stance on an issue, state the pros and the cons and your reasoning behind your belief is a positive style of debate. A negative conflict resolution style includes yelling, swearing, belittling the other party or engaging in the silent treatment. Couples with unhealthy conflict resolution styles are much more likely to divorce than those who are able to remain positive.
Not Sharing The Same Vision For The Future
Another major cause for divorce is couples who are not united in the life they are building together. As we grow older (and hopefully wiser) our priorities evolve. Perhaps your perfect weekend used to include spending your night on the town only to arrive home before dawn and then spending the next day binging on Netflix. Now, you prioritize going to the farmer’s market, fitting in a sweat date and spending quality time with your partner and friends. This is a very common change, however, if your partner doesn’t have the same priorities it’s sure to cause tension. Talk to your partner about their major dreams and goals: do they want to live in a house or a condo, do they want a 9-5 job or something in a more flexible industry, do they want kids and if so, how many? Knowing the answers to these questions will assist keeping you both on track to achieving your life goals together.
Loss Of Personal Identity
Being in a relationship can be very consuming to one’s personal identity. A co-dependent relationship is not a healthy relationship. It’s important to take time to do things that support your own interests and well-being. In a healthy relationship couples take turns learning about their partners likes and interests and being genuinely involved in various aspects of their lives. Relationships turn sour when it’s one sided, with one party calling the shots. It’s always important to take a step back from the relationship to ensure all your needs are being met by your partner. If not, divorce may be on the horizon.
Are you considering divorce? Our team takes a collaborative approach to support your transition. Connect with us to today to set up an initial consultation.