There is not a couple out there who goes into marriage expecting or wanting a divorce. Splitting up should almost always be the last option a couple considers. After all, you’ve agreed to a life-long partnership together, through thick and thin. Barring situations of abuse, habitual infidelity or other extreme situations, you should try to work through those tough times. However, when it does come time to split, attempting a mediated divorce has been known to not only preserve the couples dignity, it can actually result in saving the marriage.
The Purpose of a Mediator
Nobody calls a mediator because they’re looking for a fight. You call a mediator because you are trying to maintain control over your partnership and come to a solution for your problems that will preserve your dignity and, on some level, your relationship.
The mediator, likewise, is not looking to push the couple into a funnel from which a divorce is the only outcome. Mediators are impartial representatives whose job it is to help you cooperate like you once did. Through the process of cooperation, some couples can actually re-ignite their ability to work through their problems.
Communication is the primary focus of a mediated divorce. Similarly, it is often the major breakdown that leads to divorce in the first place. By opening your mind and facing your communication problems head-on, you may discover that the person on the other side is still the one you loved, and the barriers you face can be overcome.
Marriages that seek a mediated divorce may not necessarily be over they are simply threatened, and by getting those lines of communication going again the threat can sometimes pass.
When you go before a mediator and begin to talk out your problems and your split, ask yourself if you have been a good spouse. Consider whether you are still able to see things from your partners point of view. Do you understand his or her pain? Do you have unrealistic expectations that even you could not meet? Are you able to put your spouse ahead of yourself?
If the answer to each of these questions is no, then you have identified some major problems to overcome. We live in a selfish culture that is obsessed with unrealistic notions of fairness. Marriages are partnerships, but they are not always fair. To have a strong partnership, you need to understand that there are times when you have to give more than you receive.
Mediated divorce proceedings are all about removing blame. Usually, in a divorce, there plenty of blame to go around and focusing on whose fault it is rarely leaves you with the best result. The funny thing is, once you remove blame from the picture, there often isn’t much left about which to argue. When this happens you can ask yourself, is divorce really the right thing to do, or is there something there to salvage and save?
If you are ready to open the lines of communication again, give us a call for a consultation today.